I have a lot of things I want to write and I personally think I'm the thinker of a lot of things. In other words, I just think a lot.
This is just my jotdown notes.
Lately I finally started working FULL TIME after graduating college.
Had been experiencing a lot different things with when I was in college. Of Course. but this really growing me out.
Also lately, I started going out with my co-workers. Even if I work with them for 5 months already, I have kept a quite distance with them because I was kinda afraid about working and friendship doesn't go together.
Since I started joining into their dinner and drinking, I have been knowing a lot more things.
1) what's my role in talking in a group of Japanese people
2) how I can make other people comfortable when they are talking with me
3) who like my personality and who doesn't match w me.
4) how to handle those people who don't have a good image on me.
I have been learning a lot of things.
As well as all culture is so different, Japanese culture is also (I meant human relationship in Japan or human relationship with Japanese people) quite different with American culture where I was pretty much during college.
I'm not really struggling but I am finding a lot of discoveries of myself/ human relationship/ transitions of my positions in a group/ that my behavior is depend on whom I'm talking to.
1. When I talk with American or non-Japanese people, I usually equally have opportunity to talk about myself and how I think. (except the time when I am with extremely talkative people who don't listen to others opinion) To say your opinion is also what everyone wants you to do.
If you are not saying your opinion, you won't get your existence in the conversation and you will never join the conversation in a group. Lastly, in American culture, people can focus on individual.
But talking with a group of Japanese people, you have to know the timing, what we call MA(間).
When you talk about you/ when you answer others story/ when you ask question to others. It sounds like a lot of effort. Yes, it's a lot of work...you just gotta use to it.
This is because a group of Japanese people continue the conversation with EVERYONE. It rarely happens that some members in the group talking different things with other members of the group. everyone listen to one persons story and make fun of them. (not in a badway, just joking with those funny story)
Usually there are roles in a group and it will be pretty obvious when people in a group is getting to know everyone's personality and role in a group.
#1 Those people who talk a lot and everyone is actually tired of listening to him/her. but everyone listen to him or her because usually this person is a leader to take others to restaurant or a bar. Since Japanese people are pretty easy going and pretty adaptable, for a group of Japanese people, they need #1 kind of leading person. otherwise, nothing can be decided. For example, everyone says when they are asked what they wanna eat or where they wanna go" I'm fine with whatever and wherever.... really"
#2 Those people who listen to others a lot and ask question in such a good timing. They are the one who makes a smooth conversation. This is what people call lately "AGEMAN（あげまん）" whoever is good at putting other people in good images and put others on respective position in a group. Many people whom #2 give a compliment gets pretty good position/image in a group because this #2 seriously knows how to give a compliment and pull others reputation up. Many of Japanese woman is like this. They know how to give a compliment naturally and they know how other Japanese guys want to be treated.
#3 those people who put some jokes in someone's story and make the conversation more funny. I call those people "Pierrot". but this kind of people will never have opportunity to talk about themselves. But in the deep heart, #3 also wanna talk about themselves and want everyone to listen to them but usually everyone is not really caring about this person's story. Because there is number 4 kinds of people. everyone wants to make fun of #4 type of people.
#4 who don't wanna be popular and don't really know how to talk but somehow this type of people is whom a group of Japanese people want to listen to. Even if this #4 person is not purposely doing something weird and awkward, still everyone likes it because it's pretty funny and odd. #4 type people is just naturally funny....
In the group of people gathering, it's so funny to know what my role supposedly and to know how I should act on others behavior and story.
it's so funny how our conversation smoothly goes when I carefully choose my role and conduct my job in a group conversation.
It's not that burden since I have been doing this for couple months already.
But it looks pretty stressful if I imagine I have to deal with this for everyday life.
I only go out with my co-worker one time in a while, therefore, those drinking time is pretty fun to observe others skill and also development and discovery of my talking skills.
I think I understand why psychologist want to be a psychologist.
